I realised
1. A hungry man is an angry man
2. A sleepy/tired man is an edgy man
3. An irritated and frustrated man is a touchy, sensitive man
4. A man who qualifies under 1-3 is quick-, short-tempered
...
and that irritates me. A great deal.

Why is dad like that!!!
Maybe I'll just not think about it, I'm gonna have a bo-chap attitude on this one...After all I have no say, definitely no authority over him to tell him he's irresponsible or have any wrong attitudes. But deep in my heart I'm annoyed and hoping he will understand and change by the moving of the Spirit. But like what?! Why is he like this! Hahaha I shall go ask God.

Anyone identifies with this? Man, gotta love dads!
(Edit: Come on, God you're telling me I"m right on this? He just came into the room ranting - fine, better than bottling it up but - and blames the maid and me that he got into an argument with grandparents etc.? I guess we all need an avenue to release such...stress - this is an utter understatement)
I'm praying for you dad...

P.S.
Happy brides are beautiful :)
Double rainbows are amazing!
Common tests are over soon, whoopee
You mean alot to me, thanks for your concern/encouragement always - cheer up and press in yea?

It's the small things. The small things you find joy in. The small kind thoughts and actions of others whom God has placed in your life who have been such a blessing. Dear God, I'm sorry for my wrongdoings, but Lord I know my thanksgiving and praise/exaltation/proclamation of Your Name overshadows my sins because your love covers over all sins. Thus, we love and I thank you for those who love me and so, shower that much care and concern upon me. I know you're real. How do I know you're with me? I just believe. And believing is how it starts.

I realised it brings great joy encouraging one another thru' small actions like leaving cards on their tables and you don't have to say a word. People appreciate every small thing you do and people know. People understand and they see what goes on around them. I definitely do, and I'm thankful. You don't need to explicitly thank them but show your love thru' the things you do for them, you don't have to be perfect and they love you for who you are just as you have to accept them for who they are.

I love you...all who're so important to me. Most importantly, I love you God.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish."
Isaiah 41:10-11

when you've lost yourself, when you know you're not okay and no longer want to hide it from others
If this is a test of my faith, so be it. God, I'm accepting this and I will be fine.
I'm giving it all away at the rate I'm going. People have eyes, Gillian. They have feelings too and aren't used to this side of you. Now fight this battle and get back to where you used to be, immerse in God's living rain and get on the right track working towards where you should be in God's plan for you. And you must know you are not alone. (We need each other. We cannot make it on our own. God calls us to get together regularly to encourage and to motivate each other to live vibrant lives of service and faith. With the day of Jesus' return and our ultimate victory on the horizon, we should be motivated even more to help and to encourage each other) You must know this you're going thru' refining fire because normal people's bodies don't go thru' such changes and find some difficulty in recognising itself. You must know people still love you and they want to help. So you must help yourself. Must. As much as you hate to admit you have a problem, you must. As much as you think it's embarrassing and shameful, you must accept help and encouragement that comes. Take captive of the waves of negative thoughts. You're sec 4 this year and you must fight this NOW, you must be the victor in this test. The devil has no say and place in this.

Still, I choose to be positive in the end and not lose sight of the side of me who constantly looks out for others. Thanks to all who've approached and offered help, prayers and just be there for me. I'm really blessed :), but I'm sorry when I refused help and I'm sorry if you've been affected. Don't worry, you won't lose me because I love you too.

Like Clare has reminded me, the bible is truly a source of comfort. Great comfort, in fact.
"A man with leprosy[a] came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said." (Mark 1:40-41) If He is willing to heal me, what less than accepting the gift of healing can I do?
Come home running by Chris Tomlin never really applied to me in the past one year, but it's speaking to me now. I've asked God why now, but I don't deserve an answer from him even as he gives me one. Agape is too much for me to bear now, I'm so undeserving.

At least I'm alive and I thank God I am. Just missing...who I used to be, like many others are. Wish there was a teleporter somewhere to turn back time! Time machine should be invented! (The one on my mac is not helping... Hahah okay okay jokes aside, at least this tells me I'm okay that I can still laugh)

This happening to me really really doesn't mean God isn't faithful towards me and doesn't mean He isn't here WITH me living thru the Spirit. It was a choice, albeit wrong, that I made because I gave in to 'temptations' of the devil. I need to make up for it now. Thru' this I really understand what they mean when they say one wrong choice can have such adverse consequences. So hey y'all, don't ever be impulsive in your words and actions. Don't wait till you regret it and wallow in self-pity, don't wait till whatever matters so much to you gets affected (like studies and serving God for me), just live life as it is, take a step at a time 'cos our God provides and never leaves/forsakes us yea?

What a Thursday. A good one.

Sometimes we just have to understand and believe the unbelievable. But thru' it all, do not cease to pray that God will bring us from where we are to where he wants us to be. I'm desperate to get back to where I used to be but I will get to where he wants me to.

Looking back at my more 'normal' (meaning being the Gillian people know) and positive days, I must have been thru' a phase of life very subconsciously, if that makes any sense at all. I thought I'll encourage y'all and myself again what I posted some time back: G.O.D. everyday
Saturating our days in God's Grace
Entrusting our days in His Oversight
& Accepting His Direction

I learnt that we're all not perfect and it's not any shame to be weak and vulnerable in any way.

This is it, the catalyst. I'll pull myself out of spiritual dryness, I'll pull myself out of this for those who love me, those I love and for myself. For when we are weak, he is strong.

Cannot and shall not let anyone down.

praise you in this storm

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

We're actually paying a whopping $458 for exams we have to take...


Incoherent thoughts. There's much more I want to say, but when I rethink thru', it isn't a need to. In fact, such things that're not here are held back as the Spirit wills. Many things I "want" but don't "need" (okay I'm not the only one, hahah), and there are others that do only harm. Only when you get yourself into 'hot soup' will you understand what it means to go thru' such a situation and be unable to get out of it, tho' it's a NEED now to get out of this. But God will bring me thru'. Thank You, Lord.

It's not nice knowing cravings don't come as often now. And good food doesn't make me happy. (sigh)

Reading Vanessa's (thanks Van! You're 16 soon too :)) blog makes me more thankful for and in my current circumstances because somehow I'm always led to browse it when I'm in need of something. Words that will shoot right in the heart.

Like I always say, God moves in mysterious, yet amazing ways.

I love you. I need to say I love you to all my friends (friends, teachers, brothers, sisters, family, everybody) because life is so fragile I don't want to miss out on thanking and loving anyone who's blessed me in one way or another.

BIO SPA TOMORROW.

Many things aren't within our control but I'll accept his will. Come what may, I'll not fall. I won't. It's amazing and lovely to see anyone worshipping and praising the Lord. And proclaiming Jehovah. He really provides. :)

When selfishness and self-centredness sets in, I can't help but wallow in self pity. And that sucks 'cos it's not the way... But crying it out always helps. Crying it out to Him because He listens. And he answers. We're His workmanship.

I need someone to study with. Sometimes I think being alone's better but it makes me have warped thoughts. Yet I know Mr. HS (Holy Spirit) never leaves me! Amen.
Altho' I'm being (kinda) swamped, I think I needa take action to be more disciplined. Please pray for me, yeah? Appreciate it lots. Thank God for friendsssss. ;)

God loves us. God actually loves us THAT much. Look up to the sky, look at the Sun, the moon, the bright stars...
"The heavens declare the glory of God: the skies proclaim the work of His hands" -Psalm 19:1
******************
God, you're amazing.
31 chapters in Proverbs - 1 for each day of a month, and
a total of 365 "DO NOT FEAR"s in the bible.

Daddy says he'll take away my greatest joy (serving on Fridays) if I don't gain 2 to 3 kg soon. I pray he's kidding. But nonetheless, we go thru' such ups and downs in life. And LIFE GOES ON (Anisha, sounds awfully familiar huh?).

Whatever the season we're in, it's the season to trust in Him

We all have to learn to love with and without a cause. It's true it's easier to love with one, but it pleases God when we love, always. (Agape, it's called)

I have no idea why there are blogshop adverts on my tagboard! Do pardon or ignore them. :) Of course unless you wanna go take a look...Hahahaha.

I'm really really exhausted. It bothers me I don't saturate in God's awesomeness when I'm drained and trying to get back home by bus 11. Thanking God, nonetheless, makes me glad 'cos He is a faithful God who sustains. Amen!

Lots of leftover cheesecake.
A pity to not eat but so fattening to eat, ugh.

It's pretty boring to have to stay home and rest...But I will rest and recharge.

In no one and nowhere else can you find peace but in Him.

Letting God be God.

For record's sake: Wisdom tooth op last evening. Praise God no pain thru'out, and he lifts all pain and discomfort from me now. Praise God. Got 5 days MC but will also get many scoldings from teachers. Will also miss out on lessons but thank God for Sherri/Anisha who collects/writes down list of homework for me and Andrea who brings it back to me.

Also just found a cool new word: GIGANTICIDE. It really means the killing of a giant. But what I want it to do to me is to motivate me to cling onto God for His strength that'll sustain me, to fight and face the giants in my life. Battlefield of the mind...

"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. AMEN."
1 Peter 4:7-11

My God is the God who provides,
my God is the God who loves,
my God lives through the Spirit.
This is our God.

Sixteen years of God's love and grace.

Also,
BLESSED SWEET SIXTEEN SUAT YING & FAYE! (6/7 Feb)

Specials thanks to all for your birthday wishes/presents! (in no order of importance)
Appreciate your kind thoughts lots. :)
Amadea, Esther Mak for the cuddly huge bear
Suat Ying/Yuting, Kezia for the presents
Dad/Aunt Kay for new black watch!
Family for ang baos
Mom and Ah Yi for mango-passion cheesecake!
Hok Svc 2 worship team for your love
Claudia & JX for the pretty necklace!
Petra & Lina for the white and black dress
Best friend Ge Rou for the orange and brown socks, candy!
Vanessa for the lovely card and pouch
CC for oreo cheesecake (shared with Faye) :)
Others: Aunt Eve, Xiao-gu, Aunty Kimmy, BEST FRIEND Gerou, Vanessa, Diane Ong, Jane Chin, Carmen Yeo, Clare, Yuen Han, Chloe Chan, Sherri, Zheng Feng, Hadrian, Kirk, Jonathan, Neville, Si Rui, Ethel, Xeee (xi) Yun, Pearlyn, Aunty Wei Ting, Petra, Abi Nyam, Claudia Ong, Chantal, Delia, Jeraldine, Andrea, Jean Heng, Fabian, Valencia, Rebecca Lee, Nadine, Adorabelle, Jireh, Felix, Ting Yan, Cheryl Lam, Faye, Ah Yi, Justin K, Jan Tan, Priyanshu, Mrs Lau, Meli Ng, Alexandria, Vivienne, Uncle Kiat, Serena, Dora, Patricia, Shakti, Sadhika, Sara Okaaa, Huiying, Kimberly Ng, Andy, E Shyen, JianXin, Anisha, Jia Yhin, Aunty Mei Siew, Theodore, Jewel, Marissa Fum, Michelle Wee, Joanna Lee. Wey Lynn, Zhi Lin, Wei Leng, Cherry, Cheryl Seah, Esse, Audrey Wong, Alyssa Ng, Tanya, Yanling, Sharyn, Sabinaaaaa, Anna Belle, Marian, Rachel Lee, Sarah Tan, Sabrina Kirk, Huiling, Jian Her, Iman, Siow Ching, Candice, Joyce Goh, Davin, Benavon, Laura Kho, Becky, Sharanya, Eva, Sam Goh, Dahlia, Tiffany Cheah, Michelle Tan, Edwina, Nicole Lim, Jasmine Chao, Joey, Shuying, Mirabelle, Shantelle, Vicky, Bernice Chua, Esther Lee, Rachel Choe, SA Yusheng Day comm, Michele, Ms Lim!, Shu Shu, Vivien, Grace Lee, Laura Peh, Gideon, Joseph Tang, Lisa, Fiona, Ina

And thanks also to all friends who've been a blessing to me one way or another!
****************************************************
Wonderful Saturday.
730am - rise & shine
830am - 930am - left home, bus, breakfast
10am - 330pm - cycling with Aunt Eve, (Unc Stan), Jovial, Ivy, Aunt Kay, Phil! (ECP-Changi Village and back); awesome nasi lemak @ Changi village for lunch
330pm - 630pm - shower, fellowship, honey pineapples/chilled mandarin oranges @ Adulto's place
630pm - 730pm - dinner @ Tanjong Rhu
---
945pm: highlight! First birthday spent with the misfits. Birthday surprise from the team, thank y'all! (Not that they read but...) So to cut the long story short, I got 'brought' to the void deck of Ivy's flat and they gave me the most precious gift ever (a photo album for my ang pao packet collection, with cover stuck on with photo CUT-OUTS of hokkien service 2 music ministry and friends with their signatures/birthday wishes), together with cheesecake baked by Ivy's sis. Simple but lovely celebration. Thank God for sweet and caring friends like them! It's just amazing how we youngsters rock it out in what people think are for the elderly, Hokkien service. So thank you all for the cute funny photos and well wishes/blessings (Adulto, Unc Stan, Jane, Jovial, Ivy, Sylvia, Seprina, Phil, Aunty Mei Ling, Unc Chng, Ah Gong Henry, Ah Gong hwatong, Ah Ma ongseh, Kelly, Aunt Kimmy, Darmesh, Unc Jacky, Christina, Daddy, Aunt Kay) again.

Dear Heavnly Father, thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me early in my life and being such a real and faithful God since I've come to the saving knowledge of you, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. thank You for making me such a blessed, loved child of yours never letting go of me, never forsaking me despite my shortcomings. I love you God and I love everything and everyone you've given to me. Such an opportunity to serve you, to have such lovely friends like those I've mentioned above and spiritual gifts, are hard to come by. But you've declared that "all things are possible" with you. all glory and honour belong to you. Amen.


Ye Ye and Nai Nai were eating rambutans @ the dining table (photo another time, they look very cute sitting there together...) and I ran over with my empty box of strawberries (okay wait, I mean strawberries were existent BEFORE, lah) quite anxiously,
"奶奶我吃完了整个盒子，怎么办？!"
"就没有的吃咯。" - ye ye
"我是想知道吃这么多水果是好还是坏。" - me
Cohesively, "好啊" - nai nai ; "不好" - ye ye
"Huh..." - me
"小姑每一次都说恩恩吃水果吃到他们穷哦" - nai nai
"哈哈哈！那我也是吃穷你们俩！！！" - me

They say they're gonna go bust 'cos of all the fruits they're buying. It's worse for Xiao-gu since fruits in England are more expensive...and mostly 'cos they buy organic ones. There're still 3 more boxes of korean strawberries, many many many leftover mandarin oranges, rambutans, 2 boxes of grapes and apples in the fridge...waiting for me. HAHA, this makes me sound like a glutton, a fruit monster.
Eat fruits to keep healthy man! :)

We all need down time. So much for less blogging, but I like this channel of stress management. ;)

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ so firm on His promise I'll stand

...for the Spirit that's present leads me on even when I'm the least prepared. Praise God for this morning's worship.

We Your people come
In desperate need to You we run
Called by Your great name
With humble hearts we seek Your ways
We believe in faith
Your promises will never break
Turn from wicked ways
To live as Christ for all our days
-Living Rain, Parachute Band

Floorball makes me very happy. (But so sorry Manda about the collision!) But Dad has said 'no' to floorball 'cos he says it's very bad for my back.

Aww, no NC16 shows coming up. I will treat myself to a movie soon. Still, I cannot believe I'm 16 so soon. Like Nishanti has put, "You guys are so old! You're turning 16 when I just turned 15!" Hahaha.

Cycling and lunch this saturday with the misfits and church the whole day on sunday. This'll be the best birthday yet. Maybe I should have a meal with friends some time? SOMEBODY, cough, says I'm weird 'cos I rather hang out with aunties than friends, but such things are unexplainable. God works in mysterious ways, huh.

Okaaay, I promised to finish bio and math before dinner which is in...an hour. Till the next update, adios!

I'm thinking of getting an LJ. Jump bandwagon man.