"it isn't that we dare because things are difficult; it is that we don't dare that they are difficult." (anonymous)

I lost a childhood toy … but have the memory of the person who gave me that gift with unconditional love. I lost the privileges and fantasies of childhood … but had the opportunity of growing and living free. I lost a lot of people whom I loved and still love … but had the affection and now have modelled their lives. I lost moments of life because I cried instead of smile… but I discovered that: it is from planting love that love is harvested. I lost many things many times in my life. but in that “loss,” today I aspire for the value of “gain;” … because it is always possible to fight for that which we love; and because there is always time to start all over again. It is not important the time of life when you tried. what's more important is that it is always possible and necessary to restart. being reborn is a new opportunity; it is renewing the hopes in life; and more importantly, it is believing in oneself.

did you suffer greatly sometime? … that was a time for learning.
did you cry a lot? … you were cleansing the soul.
did you feel spiteful? ... it was a lesson on forgiveness.
at times, were you alone? ... it was because you closed the door.
were there times you believed everything was lost? ... it was simply the beginning of your improvement.
did you feel lonely? look around you and you will see people waiting for your smile, just to get closer to you.

our rebirth. today is an excellent day to start a new life project. where do you want to go? look higher, dream higher, desire the best; life brings us what we aspire. if we think small; the small will come. if we think firmly on the best, on the positive and we strive for it; the best will come in our lives. today is the great mental cleaning day. throw away all that binds you to the past; all that hurts you. discard everything into garbage; clean your heart; prepare it for a new life, and for new love; for we are passionate. we are capable of loving many times, because we are the manifestation of love. life calls you; it invites you to a new adventure, a new journey, a new challenge. this day, promise yourself: that you will do anything possible to achieve your objectives; trust in life, trust in yourself.

"let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. as surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." (hosea 6:3)

with faith and thanksgiving every step along of the way. even when we're weary, worried, fearful, in sorrow and whatnot. when you rejoice, you worship. when you worship, you rejoice. (thanks Grace for the 'enlightenment', hahah) am pretty much convicted to asking Him "what can I offer you Lord?" when it comes to wholehearted worship. it's from the heart. and there'll be unspeakable, indescribable joy that stirs up within you. :) He's faithful and he'll come to us.

enjoyed today pretty much. made a few new friends/acquaintances too! prayers have a new meaning for me now. thank God...He's always able to turn things around. even when you think the day would be bad,before you know it, it'll be over and He's brought you thru'. His grace is more than enough for you. overdue homework's so much part of my life! e-learning...teehee.

/hahahaha oops, it's already past midnight and I just got settled. time to work! so many things on hand, yet I feel no stress. and I don't think I'm being bochap and I don't feel 'small' just because I'm not as uptight about school and not doing as well as others around me are. I'm just thankful He made me who I am...anyhow, I'm taking this as a good thing! being stressed shortens our lives, hahaha ;) or so I always claim!

perhaps reality's to be escaped for you now, it's not anything you want to hear, encounter, experience right now. you're on the brink of giving up, you haven't got any hope left for yourself. you've lost trust in yourself, what more in Him. there's no reason for you to believe what His Word says, what the people around you say. you trust nobody else. you're defeated, seemingly permanently. taking the easy way out seems to be the right route to you now. nothing's important to you anymore. you don't think there's anything worth holding onto, perhaps even your life. no one can change you...except Him. and He will, because people are praying for you. and if you think your prayers don't work, then hey, He listens to all of our hearts. all prayers work, He answers according to His will. His will now is to transform you inside..and then out. His will now is to give you hope and the assurance He will intervene for you. in your current circumstance. you're covered by the blood of Jesus, you've got guardian angels by your side right now. His Ways, we do not always understand. but in the fullness of time, He makes all things right. and He does what's best for us. even if it seems otherwise at this point in time.

some need to hear this. He loves you. He really really loves you. nothing changes that. nothing at all.

HAHAHAHA DAD AND I ARE HAVING SUCH AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION NOW. I'M CURRENTLY HUGGING MY SMALL PILLOW I HAD SINCE I WAS BORN :) STINKY BUT STILL, MY FAVOURITE PILLOW I CARRY EVERY NIGHT! AND BRING ON EVERY TRIP...('cept school ones now, too embarrassing) MY DAD SAYS HE HELD A PILLOW WHEREEVER HE WENT UP TO 9 YEARS OLD. IN HIS KAMPONG DAYS. (I'LL SCAN IN A PHOTO SOMETIME) HILARIOUS. HAHAHHAHA. SO HE HAS CONCLUDED THAT SUCH TENDENCIES ARE BEHAVIOURAL TRAITS THAT CAN BE PASSED DOWN FROM ONE GENERATION TO ANOTHER. GUGU USED TO HAVE A HANKERCHIEF WITH HER ALL THE TIME, EXPLAINING WHY MAVIS' LIKE THIS TOO. SHE CAN'T GO TO BED WITHOUT SMELLING HER HANKIE. Beloved possessions, hahahaha.

and today has been...filled with joy! He's promised to be with us everyday to the next. even with times our moods just go foul. pretty eventful, but I may not really be able to finish all that I have to. so many things to do, so little time! but His grace sustains me and drives me on. of course, since I've been able to guitar, I've found even more reason to worship Him and add fuel to/refuel my spiritual 'bottle' (at least I'd like to put it this way...I've got my explanations ;)) at ANYTIME of the day, which has been an awesome experience. much more has taken place and God has revealed so much more that my dream is His dream too...and what else I can do for Him. guess His courage begins to be with you once you take that first step to offer yourself up to Him and ask "what can I do for You?".

this is such a joyous post. what better way to end it other than to praise God? committing each step we take into His hands, we are assured of His peace and protection to be upon us. anywhere, any time. praise Him! and thru' the Spirit, we can do great things. in His Name, GREATER THINGS HAVE YET TO COME. The best is yet to come. do you believe this? 'cos I really do and you should to!

have got several thoughts I thought He'd like yall to hear but I'll probably share them...when I get around to it. not now when there's much e-learning work to complete! yet I never quite have any sense of urgency. mm. ;) but thank God for my understanding daddy, he just said "apologise and just tell them you've been busy! which is true!" hehe. but hey, even if your parents are tyrants (to you), they love you and only want the best for you. know this. just like God wants the best for you. we need to believe it...and we'll slowly feel it in our hearts and think it in our minds.

on a v personal note:
I'm gonna challenge myself to do something daring, not with my own strength and aims but the Holy Spirit's. something I don't even know about...but I know how powerful it can be. and I know by putting Him as the focus, He'll guide me along and teach me how to properly and successfully do it. God I know you hear our hearts crying out..you know how helpless we feel. Lord I believe you'll move in due time and she'll be healed. Amen.

in the smallest things. the nitty-gritties. in being upset. in reasons. in holding grudges against others. in failure. in disappointments. in exhaustion. in pain. in hopelessness. in helplessness. in stress. in success. in joy. in love. in big things. in life.

it's HIM. you learn to see Him as He is. you learn to not just understand that He loves you unconditionally, but believing that He really really does. with no strings attached. you learn to turn your eyes upon Jesus, turn your hearts towards the Lord and seeking solace thru' prayer and worship. you kneel and bow before Him, knowing He is all that you need because you have His grace (undeserved favour) and He HEARS. He doesn't just listen. after putting on your prayer gear, you worship Him. your spirits are lifted and there's no allowance for feelings of unworthiness, anger, frustrations and whatnot at all causing you to waver at all in strength or faith.

there's much more meaning to it all, than words can ever describe. we can never measure up to Him. we can never love as He has and still does. there's only His grace that's sufficient. there's only His blessings that are abundant. only He's strong on our behalf, for real! in all these things, we praise and thank Him. and I thank Him for what I believe will come - the GREATER things for EACH ONE OF YOU. :) Amen.

I'll take a deep breath and continue on this journey of faith with Him.

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord" (psalm 105:6)

was chatting with Uncle Stan during a break during the recording. he said whether I believe it or not, everyone comes from a dysfunctional family. I guess it's kinda true. and it doesn't take alot for us to be affected by our family members/situation, even if we may not think we've been influenced. our actions largely depend on what the people we're with most of our lives do or say. and sometimes they may be very foolish acts, yet you see them as the only avenue to express your adverse views towards the brokenness of your most beloved family. he pointed out that one day I'll look back and say (along the lines of) 'hey, I'm glad I've been transformed inside and out, and with His grace, gone thru' dark periods/tough times'. he also kept reiterating how beautiful life is. it is. the growing up and growing old process...I'll some day have to be independent, leave the family and have my own. that's how life's been planned, and it's beautiful. yes yes.
as much as we may 'hate' our family members for the state of the family sometimes, we still owe it to them that we were even born into this beautiful world. and we were so meticulously made into delicate beings by Him. how cool is that. very very. praise Him for our existence! I do :)

perhaps it takes much courage to admit we are weak in some ways - we all are. but I've come to realise (thank God) that not facing up to flaws and disappointments isn't gonna help in any way, but only cause a spiral down in our negative self-images/opinions and pessimism. courage is in me as He is, but it took God loads of effort (was nothing to Him tho') in strengthening me for courage to surface and persist. sometimes I'm just too consumed in myself, and more often than not I find myself pleasing others and doing things for others for my own credit, rather than for God. that's something I'm learning to change - and in Jesus' Name I know I WILL CHANGE, Amen. I'm glad He has pointed out such shortcomings because they can very well be hindrances in building an intimate relationship with Him. He satisfies. and I (want to) worship him daily.

yesterday was pretty enjoyable. I finally updated my portfolio...I'm such a slacker. highlights of the day?
barbie's princess and the pea AGAIN because Alyssa enjoys it very much. Mavis with glasses for the first time! mayfair park with the little darlings (Alyssa, Annabeth, Mavis) - A GREAT FEAT to have had to take care of 3 girls at the same time. I think I'll stop at 2 HAHAHA, in the future... their smiles and laughter are very heartening. I don't feel that spending quality time with them, allowing them to have fun is any waste of my time. they're so sweet and adorable! typing this makes me feel so blessed to have such cutie pies as cousins.

thank God for yet another pleasant day. I got a new acoustic!!! AND today I'll be away in Malacca - some family getaway organised by Ye Ye's office (please do avoid texting/calling me unless it's sth urgent!) which means I get to play with his nikon d90. awesome!

strong convictions. our God is an awesome God. every prompting to share the gospel is a prompting from God...and the only way to respond is to not let embarrassment override God's voice. gotta be quick to obey because we never know when s/he whom God loves may never pass our way again. today, any day, is the day of salvation. don't brush God's whispers off.
"I tell you, now is the time of God's favour, now is the day of salvation." 2 corinthians 6:2
Lord please give me the undivided heart to obey. open my eyes to see those around me thru' your eyes.


You set the stars in their place,
You calmed the raging seas,
You bring the morning light,
You call forth songs of joy where the evening fades
You're magnificent, eternally
and there's none like You

Lord remember us with your grace
protect us with your power
bless us with your goodness

thank you for your proven faithfulness thru' the centuries, decades, years, days, hours, minutes, seconds.

---


I don't think I'll be able to get to sleep tonight! honestly! just excited...
today was worthwhile. doing work more meaningful than school work. His work. :) praise God! because service tonight was awesome. short, sharp, impactful message. moving of the Holy Spirit. ten accepted Christ (AMEN). all for the glory of the Lord who anoints with His Spirit in speech, in music, in actions. I loooooove it when I see the Spirit moving, I looooove it when I feel God's presence (air con helps me, hahaha), I looooove worship, I loooove seeing people receive healing. I love my God.

MY GOD IS INDESCRIBABLE. HOW CAN I KEEP FROM SINGING HIS PRAISE, HOW CAN I EVER SAY ENOUGH, HOW AMAZING IS HIS LOVE. I don't know why. I'm just very joyous, much happier than I've ever been. don't you wanna experience this same joy? "The truth will set you free" (john 8:32) think about it. true freedom comes from acknowledging Christ as your personal saviour and turning your eyes upon Him. MY GOD CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. HE HOLDS THE FUTURE IN THE PALMS OF HIS HANDS. HE KNOWS EACH AND EVERYONE OF US BY NAME. I'm very excited about everything! Homework, school, friends, church, relationships, family. Everything. MY GOD HEALS. I asked God to take my heart. He did. (even tho' being slain sounds a tad bit scary now when I think back) I BOAST IN MY GOD. I don't have to make a single effort now to take captive of negative thoughts e.g. inadequacy. it just happens. I live, I love, I breathe, I eat, I hear and listen, I shed tears of joy, I smile, I laugh - but I don't think I'm a failure, ugly and whatnot AT ALL. we're all good enough for our family members and Him! MY GOD TRANSFORMS US INSIDE AND OUT. when I desperately called him to change my heart, he heard. even tho' it took as long as 6 months, hey, I'm no longer the same person I was, drowning in my own defeat. MY GOD ANSWERS. On top of being THE ANSWER to every mystery, every drop of the tears of joy in life, He answers prayers. and therefore I REJOICE. I SING PRAISES TO HIS NAME. I LOVE MY GOD. I LOVE OUR GOD. He's your God, now and forever more. AMEN.
Hosanna in the highest!
heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like you have loved me
break my heart for what breaks yours
everything I am for your kingdom's cause
as I walk from earth into eternity

God really loves you. and so do I. :) squeeze a smile, but learn to make it real. joy in the Lord. He can make you better - none of you are doomed to be a failure, unhappy, lonely, rejected. He is willing to heal you, and he does!

there's so much I want to do for You. Lord let me be a vessel filled to be emptied again, emptied to be filled again. I trust in You. I will live by faith and not by sight. I believe you'll do greater things in my life and those you've called for different, but as important, purposes. I love you Lord. no amount of thanksgiving prayers and praise is sufficient, yet Jesus you humbled yourself and came to live like one of us, yet you look deep into our hearts. Jesus, when you died, there was no light but when you rose, there was no darkness. 

this came to my mind when dad, aunt kay & I were on the way back from parkway on the bus (we got on a 170 and xxx wasn't too happy about something that happened. seats issue. ;)) - the environment doesn't change for you, you adapt to it.
commonly heard of, but doesn't hurt at all to remind ourselves frequently. getting upset (and shortening our lives, hahaha I always believe that anger does this), because we aren't comfortable with situations, at that moment will not make things any easier for us. so relax and learn to not get as worked up as we are over small things. it saps energy too. hahahaha. yes. :)


AND it's so apt as a reminder to me now. I AM BOILING. no fan can satisfy the amount of breeze and comfort I seek for (or am used to, rather). so yes I must adapt to this heat...until the repairman comes by. and I realised my nose runs every single morning with or without the air-con (we thought it was just all the dust and stuff)...still, I hope the docs will stop giving me zyrtec, which I'm quite sick of. HAHA.

ups and downs. life is as such huh. right now, God's allowing many things to fall into place and leading the way for me. no hardships (altho' we were called to 'suffer' as Christ did - 1 peter 2:21) for now, and true joy. happiness is temporary, joy (in Him) is everlasting. it's exactly why I'm seeking intimacy with him, or at least have the intention. with intention comes action (sometimes, but yes it will in my case I'm sure). He's worth it and I'm worth it too. so are you! Christ is my source of joy, is He yours yet? :)

mm I shall have to survive with the fan in this little, humid, hot, boiling island...yea am too spoilt. my room's air-con started to leak again :( hahaha. rants aside...

sometimes we may lose faith along the way as our spiritual fuel leaks. that's what happens when we don't put in the effort to sustain an intimate relationship with Him. it's easy to backslide and lose sight of His way and perfect plans/purpose when we aren't recharged with spiritual fuel/fire frequently in the world - there're far too many distractions and temptations (exactly why He's got this written in the bible: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. romans 12:2) at least it's what I think (now). perhaps it's why worshipping in the spirit (and in truth), with all our hearts turned towards Him is pretty important. we're refueled as we worship, praise and focus on Him, compensating for what we've lost (passion and whatnot) or adding to the Power of the spirit in us. random thoughts.

on hindsight, we often wish we didn't have to go thru' so much pain and trouble just to get to where we are today. if i had stood strong and courageous (joshua 1:9) against temptations put into place by the devil/satan, i wouldn't have caused so much unhappiness and discontentment both in me and those around me. but that's something of the past (and we'll have to be in constant prayer than it remains this way if it pleases Him)... it's great to know God has taken my heart and I've received His blessings thru' the Spirit and whatnot. surrendering to Him isn't an instantaneous decision and neither are there results immediately even with the intention. previously I've talked alot (on this blog yes) so much about receiving and accepting from Him but it was all NATO (no action, talk only). ;-) I just couldn't trust in Him without seeing results at first...sounds pretty typical huh. we don't have enough faith. He answered prayers and transformed me in a special way. He'll transform you too if you're willing. praise Him.

His grace has found me just as I am and is more than enough for me. His grace will find you just as you are too, and it's definitely sufficient. hope.

:)

I think I like music (not really lyrics wise but rhythm, melody, style..) pretty much. serving in church,with a team of stronger & more mature christians has taught me loads. certainly aided me in my spiritual growth. it's a whole new experience for which I'm thankful. from knowing God in my head to knowing God in my heart...(I'm thankful too, to mdlto for telling me these too:) it was not until joining the group of hokkien 'aunties' that the authentic life and spiritual integrity of some of them made me hunger and thirst for something more. I wanted to know God - not only as my Lord and King - but as my Shepherd, the one who would lead me, provide for me and love me like no other. and yes now that I truly believe He loves me (as He loves you too), the passage from here wouldn't be calm, but at the end of it, He'll be glorified. that's for sure. I know so.

Alyssa and Annabeth are back! officially, at least. they are staying over tonight :) hahaha I watched princess and the pea/princess and the goblin, a little of mary poppins, snow white and played 'shopkeeper' (sold nainai's collection of bells and fake fruits) with/for them today. relive childhood memories man, hahaha. just that there wasn't as many barbie things in the past, like pegasus?! shall take a photo with them tomorrow and upload, perhaps.

"Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." (james 4:15) while I like to have choices and I like to be responsible for my own decisions, I realised how great the pleasure is for God to allow me to submit my life to his will and place my trust in him. The Father is at work in me to do his will (phil 2:13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.) and to work for my best good (romans 8:28). :) we should gladly acknowledge that our plans are subject to his will. we too should be appreciative that our goals and successes are in his hands. gladly proclaim what lies ahead of us as "things that the Lord wills". when we learn to not be too full of ourselves and consciously depend upon/rely on Him, we won't become wearisome or worrisome. don't we want that?
so yes. "If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit..." (john 15:5) if we remain in Him i.e. obey Him and live by His will, we will bear much fruit. (refer to 12 june post) to love others, we have to love Him. to love Him, we have to obey Him.

our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God

focus on Him, Gillian.
focus on God guys. :-)

I'm in awe of my laziness! hahahahah grrr, I have almost ALL my homework and revision left to do. 1 more week to go. God please sit me down... must make full use of whatever's left of the 'holidays'. must must must. (as much as it's really boring having to sit down for so long). thank God - at least there're a few things I should try looking forward to: pltc, meeting with guidey gang, friday's service, malacca day trip and cd recording

I haven't been working my brain enough. don't think I'll be able to think properly for days into the new term, mm. and yes, haven't got any insights today. :(

just so I can reminisce during my 'i'm-mugging-very-very-very-hard' period of time (PRAYERFULLY) before prelims and O's...these few weeks have been eventful and restful! getting poor results back/going thru' of papers (slack days), deciding whether to DSA or not, eating alot alot alot, sleeping, reading (child 44 rocks most!), guitar, piano, basketball with Kezia, bible study with dad, chatting, praying, boot camp!, worship, ss camp, geog lesson, church, vscb concert, gaining more than 1kg and eating God-knows-how-many-meals-a-day (HAHA annoying sh*z), memorising chinese phrases, doing only 1 emath paper and 1 bio paper in the course of 2 weeks..., revising bio and ss, watching tv, youtube rocks and oh, I changed my blogskin. tadah, pretty fun huh. I foresee myself with much glee looking back at this post and most probably being labelled as a 'siao zhar bo' smiling at the computer screen (which really isn't unusual for many, hahaha).

I should go take a walk...and search for the motivation I need in peace and stillness (psalm 46:10) :-)

and apologies for the numerous "I"s in this post (it's displeasing when there's so much of 'me', sigh)...guess ranting's part of life. helps us deal with exhaustion and pessimism sometimes or so it seems!



edit
promised to not be emo but whatever, it's hard to love myself. still. even harder now when I'm filling my stomach more than I did the past half a year. dad has urged me relentlessly to focus on God in such times... I can't accept his love until I learn to love myself. others' love in reality don't change the amount of love I feel I deserve. guess everybody finds themselves in an unpleasant mood from time to time. how much our moods determine our tempers and others' reactions towards our actions... am I being ridiculous - other than relishing the times I was not as happy as I am now, even wanting so bad to turn back? it's so hard to resist what nourishment God has set before me yet realising after that everyone else isn't eating as much as I am, I wish so bad that I could kill myself or slice off what of my body which displeases me. but isn't it extremely foolish to put myself thru' the torture of self-imposed near-death just for the sake of a flatter belly? presumably. as much as I was (some of which feelings probably still remain) ashamed, embarrassed, weak and a failure in my eyes, nobody ever gave up on me or will ever give up on me. and so I can't slip back into the dark hole I lost myself in...maybe I just need to admit I've been excessively health conscious to the family, maybe I need their support. for starters, I really hope they can lock me up in my room till mealtimes. I miss school for this reason. while I'm at school till evening, I won't have to eat 2 meals of the day. I enjoyed that.
yes, I was really too health conscious if you were concerned. thanks... :-)
dad said if we become too obsessed with how we look/how much we eat/our weight and so on, we'll become more and more self-centred. he said he might just bring me to see a doctor and then a dietician/nutritionist...I'll live on lunchboxes. I hate rice! but there's just nowhere to hide at home during dinnertime, haha. what a good excuse for myself to just eat.
in whatever case, our bodies are temples of God. He loves us and we're fearfully and wonderfully made inside and out.

VSCB is pretty impressive. time spent listening to them was pretty worthwhile. (and whoah, Isaac was on the sax! hahaha)
however, by the time we picked him up from his school it was pretty late (packing of equip and whatnot). we (grandparents, Isaac & I) were all hungry...so we dropped by cheong chin nam and had prata/chicken chop (Isaac's) before heading home. so urgh, I had lots of food even up till 12.30am! - what happens when you stay on the opposite side of singapore from where school is!? HAHAHAHA I will be up until 4 then, at least till' most of the food digests - shall have a long QT and read!

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12) mm since He's removed all sins from us, we oughtta pass the great gift of forgiveness to others. forgive forgive and forgive. but it's hard to forget (unless you become amnesiac or something)...what I'll do is to do my best to focus on God. we need more and more of him and his love to spread to the people around me...

life will never be completely fixed...we're never going to experience wholeness this side of eternity. (quote devotional) "in worshipping God we realise we were never created to be whole. what we were created to enjoy is fellowship with God, who alone is whole and complete. nowhere in the bible are we told that GOd wants to give us wholeness. what God wants to give is himself." when we're aching to be whole and complete, there is an answer and there's a complement that makes us whole. his name is Jesus! our aching, empty souls need to be filled with more and more of Him.

father's day in about a week...I should start preparing daddy's precious gift. (to our fathers, love is enough and the thought of this love is precious) hehe. :-)

in due time. God wrote a book about growing flowers - shows how meticulous he is in working towards achieving luscious prize-winning fruits. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit....This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."(John 15:5,8) He wants us to bear much fruit...He notices every time we sow seeds in the lives of others, keeps tabs every time we water the seeds with prayer. God chalks them all up in our accounts...and yes we will be rewarded at the very end. God observes flowering faiths and ripening fruits in lives of those we may have invested our christian witness on. when they profit, we gain; when they are rewarded, we reap; when they are lifted up, we're raised up with them. that's what is promised, and God's promises have never been and will never be broken. For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ.(2 Corinthians 1:20)

dad & I have been on the same frequencies these few days, we've had similar promptings. HAHAHA oh yes, ONENESS IN CHRIST yea. :) we've been talking alot about having the spirit of discernment, to be able to sense when the people around us are burdened or whatever. and here in my devotional it says, "be vigilant about people in your sphere of influence. you are sowing seeds; your prayers are having an impact. so "let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all people." (galatians 6:9-10)" it's true He works thru' us. he anoints those he chooses, some more than others. but we all have a purpose of which He's called us to fulfill.

life can get meaningless (yadaya phase of life), boring (I hate it when it's boring..), tiring. virtually every person you and I encounter is struggling with something in their life. so yea, life can be overwhelming at times, even for the most "put together" person. circumstances can lead us to believe that we are alone and isolated. there are times when feelings of grief, fear or anger feel like they will consume us... but we can't let such feelings sink in and always lurk in negativity/depression. I was once told "the root of all the barriers to experiencing God's love is unbelief. when you deny His interest and concern for you, you doubt the truth of Scripture. the Lord wants you to experience His great love in a personal, intimate way. don't let the Enemy's lies or life's hardships, questions steal the enjoyment and security of this great blessing. when your doubts arise, rely on the truth of God's Word." and the truth is, God loves us. the cross proves it. believe that He loves us and we will eventually feel it.

but I too know that fights can get gruelling; our circumstances may be unbearable and we just want the easy way out (which is death)...but ever thought about how such experiences are to strengthen us? if we're willing to grow thru' them, we will. if we can emerge stronger, if we persevere in our faith, if we fight the battles well (it doesn't matter if you lose along the way, you'll stand up and move on), we can continue to bring Him glory, love others & bring the unsaved back home and we can BEAR MUCH MORE FRUIT.

sow seeds in the hearts of others. good things will stir in their souls. :-) and it's a pleasant feeling! to have peace, for real, get to know God. He's greater than ANYTHING else! with Him, all things are possible. with Him, we're eternally victorious.

do you 'see' God's outstretched arm? only when you choose to receive will you truly feel his touch. he's always there, but it's up to you whether to accept his gift of love and offer of care & friendship or not. in mark 1:40-42 we can see that He's willing to heal, willing to love, willing thru' His power to do anything for us his children:

A man with leprosy
A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees. "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man, "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

I finally understand what true worship means. I felt as strong the presence of the Holy Spirit during 2nd night worship @ boot camp as I did at loveMG last year. as a PB, we were all being transformed. we surrendered ourselves, and our hearts were made right in His presence. we desperately seeked Him and He was with us in the LT. we proclaimed how great He is. we understood that He was, is and will always be our God. He's indescribable, our passion for him is seemingly incomprehensible. we are unable to articulate how we feel, but we're passionate about what we do. guess that's the key...we put our hearts into something, we will be rewarded. and God promises us that we'll be rewarded richly. (identity in Christ) :)

"God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth." (john 4:24) worship...is the greatest pleasure of the christian life but it didn't seem so until I first started to dive into it wholeheartedly. it was an obligation when I approached it, I was more or less self-focussed and hardly completely turned my heart towards God. it's only after knowing him more and more, and allowing myself to be changed by him did I become a worshipper with substance and not just a worshipper by ritual. but again...there are still greater things to come. I may not be asking God the right things now. I've been asking "what is my responsibility toward You?" for pretty long now. what He'd like to hear from us is in fact, something more heartwarming, "what can I do for You? You name it, it's Yours. whatever I can offer You, please let me." Lord I offer my life to you, everything I've been thru', use it for your glory. Lord I offer my days to you, lifting my praise to you, as a pleasing sacrifice, Lord I offer you my life

it makes me proud to see people growing in whatever ways possible - character most importantly perhaps? only when we're willing are we able to be moulded. the PB's a great channel. some people may think it's a waste of time...but my role as a prefect is definitely something I wouldn't give up in exchange of anything else in my world now. neither would I ever regret being in MG. it's because of the sheltered environment that we were allowed to grow in Him...it aided the strengthening of our faith because we didn't see/couldn't be influenced by as many of the unsaved as we would have elsewhere. for this I thank Him.

"God is AMAZING" is an understatement... you think rainbows and fluffy white clouds are beautiful? (I do :P) then you will put aside all logic, and think deeply as to how the world came about - there must be a creator, and that's Him. the things of this world can easily blind us; but we have faith, and we have the mirror in which we see the truth (His Word), His constant care and feel His love thru' people around us.

HE'S THE ROCK OF AGES. MY GOD IS A BIG GOD AND HE CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. HE NEVER SLEEPS HE NEVER SLUMBERS & WITH HIM I'LL NEVER BE SHAKEN! Amen :)

Hope y'all are doing great too! Praise God - thanks for always popping by my blog (even when you don't leave any traces ;)) Take care, have a restful weekend ahead. God's blessing will be upon you :-)

edit:
"So have you jumped out of being emo already?" - Dad
Thought-provoking...YES I AM NOT EMO. :-)

in midst the hustle and bustle


Everything will come to pass, everything will be revealed. There're many mysteries, secrets, many things we don't know now... Things will be revealed, no matter what. (when we meet the Father, maybe?) So yes, while there're many 'why's, they may not be answered until He permits. So perhaps we should not try wasting (for lack of a better word) our time searching for the answers to our questions. To me, it seems easier leaving things as they are. Less torment...

It's these times I start thinking about circumstances and how God allows them to follow thru' - with divine intervention coming into play. Sometimes I can never really understand why some things happen to some people...but whatever the devil puts us thru', eventually, God will use the 'new' us (having gone thru' certain experiences) for His glory. That's something I know and it probably suffices to convince me enough I don't have to keep dwelling on the fact that this or that has happened to somebody or somebody else. His Word says the same...so many verses about Him having plans and of His purpose prevailing. Everlasting.

"before they call, I will answer" isaiah 65:24
"in his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." proverbs 16:9
"let us not become weary in doing good for at a proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." galatians 6:9
"and who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?" esther 4:14b
"many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." proverbs 19:21
"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." jeremiah 29:11
"the Lord will fulfill his purpose for me" psalm 138:8a
"but the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." psalm 33:11
"and we know that in all things God works forthe good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose." romans 8:28

are you not convinced? you must be. it's comforting, comforting to know we're not alone. knowing there's a higher being in control, taking charge, being strong on our behalf. as long as we trust in Him, He'll make our paths straight. believe that.

so I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered
all I am is Yours.

"The tongue has the power of life and death." Prov 18:21a It can tear apart our lives...it can dampen our perfectly good moods, it can ruin relationships. Perhaps what's going thru' in my family now is a test of (some of) our faith. Focussing on God will do the 'trick' (there really is no trick).
"The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:7 James compares the damage the tongue can do to a raging fire - the tongue's wickedness has its source in hell itself. The uncontrolled tongue can do terrible damage. Satan uses the tongue to divide people and pit them against one another. Idle and hateful words are damaging because they spread destruction quickly, and no one can stop the results once they are spoken. We dare not be careless with what we say, thinking we can apologise later, because even if we do, the scars remain. A few words spoken in anger can destroy a relationship that took years to build. Before you speak, remember the words are like fire - you can neither control nor reverse the damage they do!
Sounds good? Not at all... Maybe we should be more careful with our words from now on? Don't exaggerate circumstances, don't speak ill of others (cursing, in other words). Ask God to grant us the wisdom, discernment and sensitivity.

Thank you Father for the wonderful times spent with family, friends and thank you for giving me rest. Now it's seriously getting down to work!! Ahhh. God thank you for being with me thru' it all and thank you for the discipline you're about to give me. Honestly I think this new table's pretty good for work. Certainly more conducive than before so thank you. I just need to not be distracted :P In Jesus' Name, amen!

Great is Your faithfulness
True are Your promises
Wide is Your love and grace
You never change
You never fail, O God
So we raise up holy hands
To praise the Holy One
Who was and is and is to come
You were, You are
You will always be

Everything in my world can fall apart, but God it's just you and me. No matter what changes, you don't. I change, yet your love for me never does. You're more worthy than of the most praise I can give you. Take my heart God. It's all yours. You're unchanging.

Today I didn't do anything constructive. I should go on a subway diet. Hahaha because I've been hungry so easily I need something filling and won't make me grow fat. Okay why is my stomach expanding...and why am I talking to myself.

I will stay in the Lord.

Opportunities don't come easy, but when they do come, seize them.

Called to the position of a prefect was an opportunity I'm thankful (now, and will always be) I took on. Lost for words when I look at all your faces. I love you, Sec 4 MGPB '09. It's the beginning of a new season for all of us, but we're never alone. :) And it's pretty apt to say it's all part of His purpose for me (and all of you). We've seen each other grow, very much for some - both physically and spiritually/emotionally. It's just cool, and yes such an amazing act cannot be done by anyone else but Him.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28) of which I'll always hold close to my heart.

10 years. I thank God for MG, loads and loads and loads and loads...

HAHAHA.
"Oi. Very wet. The hair dryer cannot work properly with your hair so wet. Go and take towel. GO!" - Dad
"How to? they're all asleep already." - me (I'm just lazy, besides I was typing this)
-Dad walks out of the room-
-Dad enters the room-
With a towel, "Gooooon."
HAHAHHA WHAT IS THIS DAD
"Hahahhahahaha It's an expression. Goon Goon."
"Terrible. You're typing everything I say."
"Oh you're going until saturday ah. 3 days ah. I'm going to miss you. Prefects' camp. 3 days ah." -sighs-
"You see lah, I let you use this towel. Later how am I going to use it. Goon goon you."
"HAHAHAHA! (literally LOL ok) OKAY I BETTER SHUT MY MOUTH."
"Zip zip zip ziiiiipppp."
And now he keeps quiet.

Oh maaaan, I will miss you too, Dad. :)

Ephesians 3:14-19
A Prayer for the Ephesians
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

A sense of personal unworthiness can also obstruct the acceptance of God's love. Focusing on past sins and moral failures or comparing yourself with others will lead to guilt and hopelessness. Satan specializes in promoting these self-condemning thoughts and feelings. The Lord never says, "Straighten up, and then I'll care about you." Remember that divine love is based on God's character, not on our performance...

"A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure.
Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped.
Look at life through the wind-shield, not the rear-view mirror.
People may doubt what you say; But they will believe what you do.
Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll need them on the way down.
Never explain. Your friends will not need it and your enemies will not believe it.
While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself.
Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted.
Courage is not a lack of fear, but the ability to act while facing fear
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your father was
The best way to predict your future, is to create it."




edit:
OH DAD YOU'RE SO COOL. Hahahaha. You surprise me with such texts after leaving the house and the words you use are so funny...but what a conversation. Aww!
D: Oh no! I forgot to eat e chocolate! Dun finish it hor! Lol ke ke ke.
G: HAHAHA DADDY :D OKAY SURE. HUG.
D: huggy! ;-)


'Big and small, our choices work together to order our days, define who we are, and largely determine our levels of happiness and fulfillment. Ironically, it’s the little choices that often get more than their share of our time and attention, while the most fundamental choices, the ones that matter most and could make the biggest difference, get overlooked or put off.'
At the start of each day, make the choice of being in a good mood, enjoying whatever you have to do as much as you're reluctant. Honestly there're so many things I (say I) refuse to do and I make myself feel worse by complaining that I have to do some things as useless as these. Maybe they aren't as useless as WE make them outta be! I've learnt that we begin to get the hang of things and no longer feel frustrated when we choose to finish them off well...and yes you should realise that too. :)
A pulitzer prize winner, Anna Quindler, said in a speech, "Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived." Learn to be happy..."I have learnt to seek my happiness by limiting my desires rather than in attempting to satisfy them."- John Stuart Mill

"He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along."(Psalm 40:2)
"For those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and You smooth out the path ahead of them." (Isaiah 26:7) God your way is always right and you are faithful. I was impatient...Much like road construction, sometimes God's timing and methods differ from our expectations. We're limited by our finite vision; we struggle to understand what He's doing when we try to speed over places still in process. Sometimes the jolt causes much pain.
I was confused. I was lost. I doubted, was discouraged, diverted my attention to the wrong things, was defeating myself. I was uncertain...longing for God's peace and rest was not shortlived. I longed and still long to see the end-result of what he's accomplishing. But guess I've got to remember dark valleys will come up along the way (as mentioned in Psalm 23:4). Clare (thank you so...) has once urged me to "never stop fighting because the reward is so much greater." Whatever rewards there may be at the end; God has promised us a safe landing and that should be enough to reassure us we aren't fighting in vain. The rewards will belong to us; we'll be richly rewarded for staying strong thru' storms.

We are worthy of His love. It isn't something we should reject...In Christ, we're definitely worth it, not a failure, not unrighteous, not stupid, not ugly and whatever we may be telling ourselves. "For as he (a man or woman) thinks within himself, so he is" (Proverbs 23:7) His Word promises that He has great plans for all of us, for you! "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him" (1 Cor 2:9). But many of us are not experiencing the abundant life because we don't know who we are. Have you been looking into distorted mirrors - like I have, mm... - for too long? God wants you to look into the only true mirror that will tell you exactly who you are, what you have, and where you are as a child of God - His Word.

"Not many of you were wise by human standards...but He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; the weak things of the world to shame the strong... So that no one may boast before him... Let him who boasts boast in the Lord!"(1 Corinthians 1:26,27,29,30b) I boast in the Lord. Amen.

My future decided - Hillsong United
You hold the future in your hands
You know my dreams and you have a plan
And as you light my way, I'll follow you

My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me

Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours

You hold the earth in your command
You are the rock on which I stand
And as I live each day, I'll follow you

Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed Lord we know who we are
We are your people and we won't be silent
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
You our God and we will not be shaken

Please walk beside me - Parachute Band
I offer up my heart to you, my Lord
It’s only in your arms I’m safe, I’m whole
In you I will abide forevermore
You’re faithful and you’re true
Your love will see me through
There’s no one else like you I cling to

Please walk beside me every day
Hold me and guide me all of the way
You give me life and destiny
Only in You can I’ll be made free

Today I offer up my heart
Today I offer up my heart
Completely Lord not just in part
Completely Lord not just in part
Take all I am take all I’ll be
Take all I am take all I’ll be
In my weakness Lord have your way in me

Be blessed, be strengthened, be loved. Live and live well. Live with hope ('But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength'), be like eagles ('they will soar on wings like eagles', freedom - 'the truth will set you free' john 8:32), run the race for him and fight the good fight of faith ('they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint'). Look forward to tomorrow...brand new day, brand new events, brand new you. We may not know what the future holds but we know who holds it. Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. (matthew 6:34) Live a day at a time. Someone has said, 'Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its trials - it simply empties today of its joy. Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow - it empties today of its strength."

For these, I praise You Father. For these, I will be strong. For all You've done, the days following today will no longer be days I spend most on figuring out who I am currently and why I am who I am. Undeserving, but still loved. Not wonderful in my own eyes, but a magnificent creation in Yours.

whoever you are. you too, are fearfully and wonderfully made, in His image. be who He wants you to be, live the life He's intended for you. if burdened, share! galatians 6:2 says "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." if you want and desperately need peace, call on Him (jeremiah 33:3) - surrender's the heartbeat of peace. rest in His love and cast all of your cares upon Him. He never sleeps, never slumbers, never tires, is never sick of hearing our prayers. He grows stronger when you're weak. you're in my prayers. :)

P.S. Thanks to all who've shared very meaningful verses with me over the past few days and asked if I was okay. Thanks Luj (if you're reading!) :)

how great thou art.