Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is lost
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (isaiah 40:29)

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place." (2 Corinthians 2:14)

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guess you won't be seeing me lurking around here...
what joy. I will not complain.

I will be glad to share how soon I'll be free. wonder how much information I'll be able to retain at the end of it all...preferably most of it. because I don't want to have wasted 16 years of my life gaining knowledge (that seems to have by far incessantly vanished with the physical presence [the absence, rather] of regular examinations that force every single drop of brain juice out of you):
26/10 1.30pm - 3.15pm: english paper 1
26/10 4pm - 5.40pm: english paper 2
27/10 2.30pm - 4.30pm: math paper 1
28/10 2.30pm - 5pm: math paper 2
29/10 2.30pm - 4.30pm: additional math paper 1
30/10 2.30pm - 5pm: additional math paper 2
02/11 8am - 9.30am: social studies
02/11 2pm - 3.45pm: chemistry paper 2
03/11 8am - 9.30am: history elective
04/11 8am - 9.45am: physics paper 2
04/11 2pm - 3.30pm: physical geography
06/11 2.30pm - 4.15pm biology paper 2
09/11 8am - 9.30am: human geography
10/11 8am - 10am: higher chinese paper 1
10/11 10.45am - 12.45pm: higher chinese paper 2
10/11 2pm - 3pm: physics paper 1 (mcq)
12/11 2pm - 3pm: biology paper 1 (mcq)
13/11 8am - 9am: chemistry paper 1 (mcq)

we will not lose hope. we can do it.

as children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
because He was my Friend

but then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.

at last I snatched them back and cried,
“how can you be so slow” –
“my child,” He said, “what could I do?
you never did let go.”

against the musings, against the weaknesses of the heart.
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being here screams peace. I prefer being alone because it's very tiring having to care about what goes on around. but I miss school. I really do. I need to go back and relive every single moment of this year, tho' it was filled with so much pain. because with the trials came the revelations of more of His promises. with the pain came something more, something intangible. and those times that something was within my reach I was happy, I really was, and they can only be fragments of my memory now. I'm piecing them all into a fuller picture, to forever store in that compartment of my heart and mind, and only exploring it again whenever necessary. it's just time to move on and leave behind things I appreciate so much, cause who knows? maybe what'll come would be a greater blessing than what I've already received.

Blessed 16th Di! :)
many thanks for inspiring me and telling me things I needed to hear, whenever. thanks too for the encouragement and times you asked me if things were going alright. can't feel any less blessed huh. it's just the beginning to a wonderful new journey in life, go Di!

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highlights of the day: rest (sabbath). revived spirit. refreshed soul. renewed strength. seaside. aeroplanes (you really feel as though you're flying, just seeing them above you). nasi lemak. ice cream. fellowship. love. comfort. worship. God.

psalm 46:10. have we been searching for God in the noisiness? we've been looking in the wrong place. only in the stillness of life do we hear His gentle whisper, feel His gentle touch. "be still and know that I am God" I admit I have, and it's no sin...we just need to get in tune with him.

WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY TO HAVE SUCH PULSATING HEADACHES. I feel like I'm in a blast furnace (okay, evidently I want chem to stick to me), ready to melt soon into nothing but molten fluid with body matter, and perhaps a heart with a hole in it. shucks.

I WANT TO ESCAPE FROM LIFE. I WANT TO BE SURROUNDED BY GREENERY IN SPRING AND SUMMER, THE SKY SO (LIGHT) BLUE WITH CLOUDS THAT CAN MESMERISE ME. LAKES THAT ARE SO CLEAR, SO BLUE, SNOW THAT IS PURE WHITE IN WINTER. europe, friends. care to join me?
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I choose (ya, choices!) to not study right now and blog, because...I just want to have something to remember. (almost) purely a rambling that will record what silly thoughts go thru' my mind:
inertia inertia inertia. I am only thirteen, just entering MGS secondary, relieved I'm back at a familiar environment (here, I have no idea what predisposed judgements can do), and pretty amused, yet at the same time, amazed at how secondary classes' 'labels' go by the word, "M E T H O D I S (T) G". I am looking forward to knowing what class I'm in..and wow, little did I know I would end up having a boring list of letters to share with people who ask which classes I've been in. all four letters, 'G'. whoopee, it's orientation. we play double whacko, what a classic. also, I'm apprehensive, sorta excited to see who my new classmates from other primary schools will be, how we'll get along, whether it'll be hard for me to fit in (yea, we all want to be accepted) and whatnot. I go thru' sec one feeling like I don't belong because I never was that smart to begin with, and shouldn't have been placed in some in-house scholastic programme along with others I know are extremely intellectual up there. a year goes by...and come sec two, class dynamics' problems surface, seemingly severe, to the extent we were assumed as a class being 'emotionally-unsound'. time to visit vietnam with 2T, which means getting to know several 'hi-bye' friends better and getting a feel of a school trip (preparation for ROCs the following year). I fail at least one subject per term (tragedy - it is only lower secondary work; what foreshadowing of how more badly I'll do the next year?) but still I'm able to thankfully keep my head above the water and drag my feet through the year. then comes sec 3, sec 4. I meet the best people. I hear the best words of advice. I learn the most about life and living. I become more thankful than I've ever had. I go through the toughest struggles. I become "obsessed with God" (to quote my mom, sigh). the best memories are created (ltc, water dispenser in class, bubbles in informal class photo, racist comments, cc0809, mgpb07-09, study buddies, US trippers, guidey gang, just-chill-out-at-grass-patch friends, growing in the Lord together, I LOVE BIO...). then we've got the baccalaureate service.

that was today. last chapel service. every word spoken, every hymn sung, every prayer prayed, every sniff heard, every song of praise we offered, every applause that echoed in the chapel, every scene frozen before my eyes - scenes of true happiness, coupled with tinges of white spots in sight...hit me right in the weakest spot. tears flowed uncontrollably, and I realised how much people and the school means to me. how faithful He's been, He is and always will be. I'm just extremely extremely blessed and thankful. very thankful.

whoah, so much for inertia. here I am, approximately nine days to the o levels, and I say, we may seem to be trudging through blinding snow - or maybe stones that refuse to stay away - and everything ahead of us is a blur, it's just foggy, don't you think? but the road ahead is definitely even, laid with concrete and tar, with little bumps (like those in singapore, pro-propaganda, har) because God is in control. and when we trust in the Lord WITH ALL OUR HEART, ALL OUR MIND, ALL OUR SOUL AND STRENGTH, and lean not on our own understanding but acknowledge Him, our paths will be made straight. each day, saturate in the grace He's freely given.

what I'm leaving behind is merely the physical presence of MGS, both primary and secondary - principals, teachers, juniors, seniors, peers, whoever in person; the memories will linger day in and day out, because such imprints on my heart are indelible. some people I hold so dear, so dear, I wish I'd never have to leave. but we all grow. to quote Clare, one of my bestest, most kind, compassionate, caring, genius, true friends, "for now, let's not lose hope."


and today, I entered school with great expectancy, to see the smiles on faces, hear laughter that have rung in my ear oh-so-often, to feel the inexplicable joy that is stemmed from the good and bad things I've been thru' in the course of the ten years, more so the great friends and teachers, successes and failures. today, I left school with great pride. I left knowing it's only the beginning. I left being grateful. I left tearing, letting every sob of every girl in every corner resound in my head. I left loving, loving God, loving friends, loving teachers, loving the school, loving the people. I left recalling the countless times we've heard these phrases: "Godly women of excellence with a heart of love", "to master, to grow, to serve". ♥
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okay something cute that makes me happy and motivated to do work, cartoon!
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." (proverbs 19:21)

"I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

(Dad, I know you read what I write here, but you shouldn't...please don't.)
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life now's all about:
hoping, hoping, hoping
wanting to understand more yet not knowing how to
learning to deal with unreciprocated help, care (no results)
being enervated and hardly too stressed
dreaming of getting the 9A1s,
bringing pride, but more importantly glory to Him
wishing things would be better for people
clinging onto things unseen, the impossible
having Jeremiah 33:3 placed in my way 5 times in 3 days
trying hard to let go, because I don't want to
His strength that sustains
His grace that provides
Him being faithful
Him.

yea, I confuse people. sometimes I do the same to myself. when you're alone for too long, the tendency to be messed up and more cynical grows. digging up the past can be good and bad...realising you've grown up too fast and missed out on too much while you were younger makes you want to turn back time. it does, because the future's so uncertain. to me. but fear..."fear's just being frightened easily and running away" and if anything, being a chicken's the last thing I'd like to be.

oh yes, Jeremiah 33:3's "Call to Me and I will answer you; and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." great promises, He keeps them. (1 cor 1:20a)
intimacy with God translates into the tasting of His goodness everyday

22 days to O's.
2 more weeks of mg,
only 2. imagine,
not (physically) being part of
something that made you.
does that even make sense?
10 years. and in a blink of the eye,
no more. 10 and that's it.
it's scary. am no longer gonna be there.
i'm going to wake up in the mornings,
finding myself dissociated. where am i, really?

as hard as it is for those who live near volcanoes
(k too much geog, evidently, hopefully) to uproot,
it is for me, to leave a school where a decade was spent.
for how few decades we exist,
and in these few that we do, i've spent one
a complete one, in a school,
where studying i've never enjoyed,
where grades never failed to anger me,
where perceptions of my stupidity never failed to bring guilt,
where consistency was never my cup of tea,
where procrastination took the wheel,
where love brought me thru',
where God grew me,
where life was revealed.
perhaps I've never been as excited
about going to school as I am now before,
but nonetheless, the thought of change...
throws me off. throws every part of me off.
but change is inevitable.

surges in excitement,
they don't last forever
the thrill will grow faint,
eventually i'll leave my soul behind,
my body will lose itself.

i'm going to have to start over,
form a brand new wall around me,
work life out all over again.
in an unfamiliar environment,
make a choice.

left with me, only memories.
but i'll never feel the same way again,
experiences don't come twice.
everything will change,
nothing'll feel the same.

inexplicable feelings,
of joy, of belonging, of familiarity.
yet in no time, these will be taken away.
all you're left with is but yourself
in entirety, at least outwardly.
or maybe, only outwardly?





then, in His timing,
all things will be made right.
until then, the sentiment of loss
will remain with me.
i will cry. i will miss it all.
education, yellow brick road.
having gone down a long stretch of it,
i decided walking is far more satisfying
than riding on roller coasters.
the former may make things slow
(of which i usually hate)
the latter's too speedy.
there're too many sudden jerks,
up and down, too many surprises.
the velocity's too high,
the future's coming too quickly.
i will walk, i will run when need be.
i will work hard. i will succeed.
there'll be no shortcuts.
i will triumph, in this world for God,
for people, for you.