Talked to Michele today on the bus ride back to school,
much personal sharing. Thanks Michy!

We live to impact, to live for God's purpose.
To be a blessing to others, and keep sharing the Good News.

God will reveal His plans for me.
(:

The next week's going to be a really exciting one! Really really exciting, hope everything goes smoothly for me, and everyone else.
I shall live it to the fullest for God.

Was reading Salad's blog (hope you don't mind me quoting!), and what she posted really struck me.

god is almighty and wonderful, so how can we created mortals ever begin to question him? how can we even begin to understand his majesty? as such, how can we ever know god's intention in doing such things to "good people" unless he tells us what his plans are?

for me, no matter what happens i will stand firm in my belief that god has a plan set out for us and these plans are not to harm us but to prosper us (jer 29:11). although nothing especially bad has happened to me yet, i really want to be able to stand up and say, in the midst of suffering, that the lord gives and takes away, lord blessed be your name (job 1:21). i do not want my faith to be shattered when something bad happens, i do not want to turn away from god when something bad happens. i don't ever want to doubt his existence or his goodness.

one reason why i kinda dislike philosophy because many times there are no definite answer. and sometimes i'm really uncomfortable because the questions asked question the very roots of what i believe in, and it's not just my christian faith. like earlier in the year, when we discussed the matrix and "what if everything that's ever happened to us was all a dream". i thought about it briefly in sec 1 or 2 when it was first revealed in bleach about aizen's betrayal, but i dismissed it really quickly. and then in class that day, i didn't have any answers to give, to the class, mrs chitra or myself. i was kinda at a loss as to what to think. i've always believed i was real, that everything around me was real. what would i do if one day i woke up and i was in some desert and there was no chua family, no mgs, no 4g, no nothing that i knew of my "life"? i think mel's answer was the one that gave the most comfort to me, in some sense. although it may not philosophically be the right/best answer but i agree wholeheartedly with it. that although what we feel, see etc may just be impulses sent to the brain and not necessarily real, the very fact that we can remember feeling/seeing these things, that we have emotions for it, is enough for us. i guess in a sense, it's like, "even if life is a dream, as long as i don't wake up from it, that's okay" if my life as it is now is really a dream, then i really really don't want to wake up. except maybe the o level part, heh.

anyway back to the topic. i also thought about the fact that in the end, there are no "good" or "bad" people, no matter how saintly they may appear. in the end, all of us are sinners, all of us have fallen short of the glory of god (romans 3:23). who are we to judge others? (luke 6:42) technically, we are all bad people. we are all not even worthy to be alive. we should all be thrown into hell this minute and burn and die again and again. but we aren't. why? it's because of jesus. if not for jesus, well, life would be hell. we are all sinners, but despite this, or rather because of it, christ died for us while we were yet sinners (rom 5:8) is this not the extent of god's love and grace? can we say that god is not a loving god because some people suffer? we should all be suffering, but we're not and that's because of god's grace. the worst place a believer could be in is on earth. the best place a non-believer could be is earth.

even if i were to die, i'd be going to a better place. although i do love life on this earth, and i thank god for the blessings each day, in the end my final destination is heaven. to me it's a matter of when.

there must also be a reason for "good" people to suffer, that god made it happen. for the columbine tragedy almost a decade ago, the scott family, who lost their daughter, rachel joy, believe firmly that the event was actually a message from god. they believe that rachel and all the friends who died with her that day were not just victims, but martyrs. the gunman asked rachel if she still believed in god after he had shot her, and when she said yes, he killed her with a shot to the head. if i was faced in a situation where i had to choose my life or my god, i hope i choose god. i think i would, but sometimes there's still this internal conflict.

all in all, sufferings, i feel, should not be roadblocks but stepping stones to something greater. even death is a stepping stone into heaven and meeting with god. that's how i'd like to live my life, believing that whatever suffering may come my way, it is in god's hand and in his plans. i will believe in his mercy and grace, and i will praise his name.

Doubt comes into play many times, but faith is important. To keep the strong, child-like faith in Him is vital. And that's what I really need to work on, especially as I go through the many chapters of my life to come. It's never too late to strengthen your faith, it's never too late to know God.

All to you Lord. I will live by your purpose for me. Let me follow your ways.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." -Matthew 7:13,14