when you've lost yourself, when you know you're not okay and no longer want to hide it from others
If this is a test of my faith, so be it. God, I'm accepting this and I will be fine.
I'm giving it all away at the rate I'm going. People have eyes, Gillian. They have feelings too and aren't used to this side of you. Now fight this battle and get back to where you used to be, immerse in God's living rain and get on the right track working towards where you should be in God's plan for you. And you must know you are not alone. (We need each other. We cannot make it on our own. God calls us to get together regularly to encourage and to motivate each other to live vibrant lives of service and faith. With the day of Jesus' return and our ultimate victory on the horizon, we should be motivated even more to help and to encourage each other) You must know this you're going thru' refining fire because normal people's bodies don't go thru' such changes and find some difficulty in recognising itself. You must know people still love you and they want to help. So you must help yourself. Must. As much as you hate to admit you have a problem, you must. As much as you think it's embarrassing and shameful, you must accept help and encouragement that comes. Take captive of the waves of negative thoughts. You're sec 4 this year and you must fight this NOW, you must be the victor in this test. The devil has no say and place in this.

Still, I choose to be positive in the end and not lose sight of the side of me who constantly looks out for others. Thanks to all who've approached and offered help, prayers and just be there for me. I'm really blessed :), but I'm sorry when I refused help and I'm sorry if you've been affected. Don't worry, you won't lose me because I love you too.

Like Clare has reminded me, the bible is truly a source of comfort. Great comfort, in fact.
"A man with leprosy[a] came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said." (Mark 1:40-41) If He is willing to heal me, what less than accepting the gift of healing can I do?
Come home running by Chris Tomlin never really applied to me in the past one year, but it's speaking to me now. I've asked God why now, but I don't deserve an answer from him even as he gives me one. Agape is too much for me to bear now, I'm so undeserving.

At least I'm alive and I thank God I am. Just missing...who I used to be, like many others are. Wish there was a teleporter somewhere to turn back time! Time machine should be invented! (The one on my mac is not helping... Hahah okay okay jokes aside, at least this tells me I'm okay that I can still laugh)

This happening to me really really doesn't mean God isn't faithful towards me and doesn't mean He isn't here WITH me living thru the Spirit. It was a choice, albeit wrong, that I made because I gave in to 'temptations' of the devil. I need to make up for it now. Thru' this I really understand what they mean when they say one wrong choice can have such adverse consequences. So hey y'all, don't ever be impulsive in your words and actions. Don't wait till you regret it and wallow in self-pity, don't wait till whatever matters so much to you gets affected (like studies and serving God for me), just live life as it is, take a step at a time 'cos our God provides and never leaves/forsakes us yea?