I want to rebel and do something stupid. Yea, on top of the fact I'm already stupid. I'm so stupid. I don't deserve to be a student. It's unacceptable. Guess teachers were on the verge of puking when they marked my scripts, maybe. Guess I'll never be good enough. Guess this is my limit. I shall study harder now. probably no one else like me; what a joke. I should try staying up to study again...Miss those days. Better than sleeping and knowing I won't do well at the end anyway.
And well this sounds so immature. That's a bigger joke.
This still feels shitty. Sigh.
Oh...the goal I set was 7A1s. I will dream.
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And it occurs to me (because God's never left me) that I'm not trusting Him again. Again and again. Am I not happy with what He's given me? Having faithfully given me peace thru'out every single paper even as I prayed so hard day and night for myself and everyone else; having given me such people who tirelessly care for me; having reassured me of the Truth that all who have recently passed away are in heaven with him.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Then everything He blesses me with must be good, then every step I take will not be a wrong one if it's in Him, then He must be guiding me for my good. So I should trust and not hate myself over mediocre things like results.

Most certainly not as easy as it sounds, but God I must look to you. Let me try.