I'm in awe of my laziness! hahahahah grrr, I have almost ALL my homework and revision left to do. 1 more week to go. God please sit me down... must make full use of whatever's left of the 'holidays'. must must must. (as much as it's really boring having to sit down for so long). thank God - at least there're a few things I should try looking forward to: pltc, meeting with guidey gang, friday's service, malacca day trip and cd recording

I haven't been working my brain enough. don't think I'll be able to think properly for days into the new term, mm. and yes, haven't got any insights today. :(

just so I can reminisce during my 'i'm-mugging-very-very-very-hard' period of time (PRAYERFULLY) before prelims and O's...these few weeks have been eventful and restful! getting poor results back/going thru' of papers (slack days), deciding whether to DSA or not, eating alot alot alot, sleeping, reading (child 44 rocks most!), guitar, piano, basketball with Kezia, bible study with dad, chatting, praying, boot camp!, worship, ss camp, geog lesson, church, vscb concert, gaining more than 1kg and eating God-knows-how-many-meals-a-day (HAHA annoying sh*z), memorising chinese phrases, doing only 1 emath paper and 1 bio paper in the course of 2 weeks..., revising bio and ss, watching tv, youtube rocks and oh, I changed my blogskin. tadah, pretty fun huh. I foresee myself with much glee looking back at this post and most probably being labelled as a 'siao zhar bo' smiling at the computer screen (which really isn't unusual for many, hahaha).

I should go take a walk...and search for the motivation I need in peace and stillness (psalm 46:10) :-)

and apologies for the numerous "I"s in this post (it's displeasing when there's so much of 'me', sigh)...guess ranting's part of life. helps us deal with exhaustion and pessimism sometimes or so it seems!



edit
promised to not be emo but whatever, it's hard to love myself. still. even harder now when I'm filling my stomach more than I did the past half a year. dad has urged me relentlessly to focus on God in such times... I can't accept his love until I learn to love myself. others' love in reality don't change the amount of love I feel I deserve. guess everybody finds themselves in an unpleasant mood from time to time. how much our moods determine our tempers and others' reactions towards our actions... am I being ridiculous - other than relishing the times I was not as happy as I am now, even wanting so bad to turn back? it's so hard to resist what nourishment God has set before me yet realising after that everyone else isn't eating as much as I am, I wish so bad that I could kill myself or slice off what of my body which displeases me. but isn't it extremely foolish to put myself thru' the torture of self-imposed near-death just for the sake of a flatter belly? presumably. as much as I was (some of which feelings probably still remain) ashamed, embarrassed, weak and a failure in my eyes, nobody ever gave up on me or will ever give up on me. and so I can't slip back into the dark hole I lost myself in...maybe I just need to admit I've been excessively health conscious to the family, maybe I need their support. for starters, I really hope they can lock me up in my room till mealtimes. I miss school for this reason. while I'm at school till evening, I won't have to eat 2 meals of the day. I enjoyed that.
yes, I was really too health conscious if you were concerned. thanks... :-)
dad said if we become too obsessed with how we look/how much we eat/our weight and so on, we'll become more and more self-centred. he said he might just bring me to see a doctor and then a dietician/nutritionist...I'll live on lunchboxes. I hate rice! but there's just nowhere to hide at home during dinnertime, haha. what a good excuse for myself to just eat.
in whatever case, our bodies are temples of God. He loves us and we're fearfully and wonderfully made inside and out.