(I know sometimes my posts can get quite confusing...but there're just things that shouldn't be revealed, so sorry if you don't understand what I'm getting at. I've long forgotten the definition of a blog tho', guess am pretty thankful there's an avenue to 'pen' my thoughts. obviously too lazy to write; typing's faster. at times..doubt I'm even making any sense, like I'm not here. almost.) I'll be lying if I said I was okay. I know what bottling everything inside you can do to you...learn to share your burdens, learn to seek counsel, learn to seek help as you deem fit please. it hurts carrying everything alone. it'll hurt less when you feel you don't have to bear everything by yourself. we all know no one can be always strong and behind every tough front, every mask lies our weakness and vulnerabilities. there's always a part of us unwilling to give up something we saw benefit in, even tho' it's not right in reality. I'm not feeling okay, even when I'm led back to the Cross...and I won't deny it; we gotta learn to face up to our feelings and rationalise our thoughts. but sigh, I must keep my word; I've promised them and letting them down would be the last thing I'd like to do. whatever happened to not looking back.. one day I'm bonded by the past, another day I'm gonna be trapped in yesterday, today and tomorrow. the truth sets us free. gotta learn to accept the new truth as much as I hate it. shouldn't hate myself either, He loves me.

it's time for surrender again.