that's who you are God.
Jesus who? God. Lord. Messiah. Alpha and Omega. Saviour. Redeemer. Light of the World. Lamb of God. Ruler of Creation. Bread of Life. Emmanuel. Jesus is all I need, all I want. Jesus, take the wheel. He's almighty, omnipresent, omnipotent, love. I will do the natural (seeking help), looking to Him, and He will do the supernatural. when we are weak, we are strong. the good shepherd who knows me and whom I know, strength of my heart, my portion forever and ever.

give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever.

you're off track, you get back in tune. nothing is impossible...it's only a matter of time. it's a matter of time how much your broken soul and crushed spirit is released from the control of what you initially wanted to control. you were wrong. but Jesus doesn't despise anything you're willing to offer to Him. what with a sick body, sick/weak/critical mind, lost spirit. just gotta look in the right direction, at the right people, at the right One. it doesn't matter how long it's gonna take...maybe even all your life. there's no giving up until God decides your life should end. if His purpose and will is for you to continue to fight the devil each time it attacks you, to 'keep picking yourself up again and again till He comes for you', then we musn't go against it. we cannot, anyway. it's more than understanding or speaking about it...what are you doing about it, are you slogging your ass day in day out just for a little bit of attention, a little bit of worldly contentment? well, man, guess you're still there. long way to go,gi.