I could nearly blow up at dad, I could nearly pray God would allow me to give up pleasing the family. but no, that would be denying God's existence, omnipotence, omnipresence...we aren't allowed to give up, not until He comes back for us 'cause it's in His will for us to pick ourselves up everytime we fall down. and He does the supernatural when we do the natural (looking to Him)
I could nearly hope that life was more fair, until I realised life is only as fair as we make it out to be. God's a fair God.
I could nearly be bitter and resentful towards him for taking away all I finally have that I wanted for a long time (e.g. friends you can trust in and just laugh together, time spent unproductively but still enjoyably, having zero guilt after snacking like mad - hahaha) just because he cannot let go of me to let me be independent...but aren't all those things what God has blessed me with and likewise I should be surrendering them to Him? He's in control, not me. besides, he's my dad. there should still be respect for him and hatred shouldn't be built. in the words of my good friend jane, "embrace mercy and grace always. God looks at your heart and continue to delight in Him."
I could nearly say 'I don't want to go on anymore.' but that's foolish. God didn't bless me with wisdom for nothing.

Guess that settles it. I just don't like people making assumptions and not knowing the full story - but sometimes I do the same to others so yeah, we'll have to work on that. everyone goes thru' this whole stage of growing up and getting mad at parents because they (grownups) can never fully understand. I mean if even people our age can't truly understand us, let alone the adults whom we probably talk to a quarter the time we do to our friends. what drives their words and deeds tho' are most of the time just worry and concern. putting ourselves in their shoes could probably help to calm us down and think. I guess we shouldn't blame them but rather thank God for them (someone had to remind me of this too...see, God puts people in our lives to build us up). adults are just paranoid, adults want to understand but sometimes it's 'cause we don't let them in.
eu. koo once told me "i believe we all go thru different phases in diff periods of our lives - and we deal/cope w emotions differently during those times as well. so just know tt there's no need to fault urself for reacting adversely to the things that trigger u off..coz thats not quite the point. it's more impt to try and rationalise why those things make u react the way u do..there's a root cause to everything kiddo, and its impt tt u sit urself down at some stage and try to figure out what it is really tts biting u all this time." and to have been led to reread that is a sheer sign that I need to take action soon. y'know...the whole sitting down and figuring out part of all the struggles, when you're tied down by the chains of roller coaster emotions and hurt.

:)