people have told me I ought to be more cheerful. maybe I should try...

sorry for the lengthy posts of late. anyway, I promise I'll have earlier nights for the next few days. because being up too late makes you more drained than you ought to be, and your thoughts tend to run wild. :) but pretty importantly, I want to make sure I wake up earlier in the mornings, so at least I get some time alone with the Lord before all the business kicks in for the day.
but hey! good news, I've only got one chapter left of nineteen minutes to go, and I just picked up nat geog. and newsweek at the petrol kiosk ie. I'm gonna have a not-so-boring time while I stay up tonight. right now, it's enjoyable chatting with charissa online. I know you're happy for me too, thanks ;)

I wonder why january's taking so long to come. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to say "praise God" even if I do badly, tho' I want to do that...even if I end up failing myself and disappointing alot of people (which honestly wouldn't be the first time, 'cause I only keep doing this), will I be able to say "God, lead me to where you want to place me". eventually I believe I'll end up where He wants me to, just the whole process, the entire journey I'll have to go thru', that sort of emotional roller coaster, just to reach february. yet, 2010 just seems so far away, maybe it's because there's hardly too much to look forward to - I'm a sucker for satisfaction and contentment, which have proved to only make me fall more than I should.

and if you decide to be stalkerish, I'm watching 2012 again tomorrow...haven't been out to town or anywhere else besides marine parade/the west. how nice it is to be admist a roaring crowd in a large shopping mall - it's nice knowing you're only a small part of the world that He's created, it's nice being a small, insignificant figure so you don't have to be scrutinised as much ;)).
wednesday maybe I finally get to go cycling (with claud). afternoon I get to meet xiang and uncle kiat, perhaps reminsce some sec one times - those moments we could play with expensive lightings, those moments we cooked up about 200 hours of CIP (save the 36-hour school service cap, sigh) from rehearsals and all, those late nights we had, those dark corridors we crossed, simply put, from eve to mary the musical was awesome.
thursday claudia will get her polaroid and we can take a nice bff photo (and make her HT jealous, HAHA), watch new moon, and yes, finally eat ice cream at marche because I've been craving for it and she has free coupons (thank you Lord I get to grow fatter :P and be blessed by zomg, wonders of what ice and milk can do), play wii (guitar hero, cooking mama, star wars!), chat, and sleepover at her place.
friday'll be a good day. parkway and church the entire day keeps the boring ol' me at bay, hopefully. the Holy Spirit will move and I will surrender.

edit: posting this made me realise I can only take my mind off things and actually be happy when I post about...the details of life. wonder why. or perhaps I'm just beginning to find myself again, and believe life's exciting and there's much more in store. such times you can only be in awe of what He can do, how He can turn circumstances around and even control your thoughts and feelings.
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if only blogs could be private - the internet's never foolproof or completely safe (I don't know when I stopped having the urge to blog on lj, but thank God I suppose...it means I have nothing to hide): sometimes, just sometimes, I wished it wasn't only my dad I could tell so many things to, maybe everything. I'm really blessed I'm so close to my parent, but there'll always be certain limits you do not cross because you aren't going thru' the same things. I've got lots of good girl friends, willing listeners, even an awesome godmom, but you'll always need someone else to fill that missing hole in your heart. but patience is a good virtue, right! hahaha :)
on a similar note, dad is super cute. who says this with a cheeky grin and break out in a giggle after: "no, you're not allowed to have a boyfriend until you graduate! not when you're still studying!" dad, I'm never telling you anything again, not anything that I want, hmph. just kidding.

someday soon I'll go cycling, blading, and botanics to take photographs. I remember ever mentioning that I want to go around singapore to the less frequently visited places that are the very essence of this little red dot and capture moments that only come by once on a pretty dslr. man, I need to start saving up.