God is so amazing. too amazing. jeremiah 29:11
so right now I'm where I never thought I'd be. I'm gonna do it, even if it means letting everyone down - I'm gonna quit. there's really no need to answer to the world or care about things of the world although everyone will judge and question me; just I pray people will not remember that I actually did it but the boldness to do what I've wanted to for long (which for most people I'm guessing wouldn't do because of the consequences). God, I'll do it - please grant me Your strength alone.

longer post soon, esp on love MG and just how...grateful I am to the Lord. later today (when I actually take the step of putting down all pride and my reputation/image [which really is temporal and gradually be forgotten yes?] and quit.) yes I will thank God that I have the courage to be a quitter, to know that it's time I do knowing I cannot go on like this any longer. it's too painful having to care about what people think or say of you all the time - why does it even matter? it actually truly doesn't - and I should start acting like I know it truly doesn't. after I squeeze out every inch of guts I can afford to be straightforward to the concerned (esp authority whose words have been causing me so much hurt even though they were meant to motivate me and help me improve) and be true to my feelings and everyone else, for once since I got into RJ and chose the sport. yup so I guess y'all can guess what it is I'm quitting. and I'm gonna try this. if it's God's will, let there be breakthrough.

i need you Jesus to rescue me
where else could I go