been awhile since I've properly posted, and it also seems it's been that long since I've self-reflected. not sure what has been keeping me so occupied, but I feel like my brain is deteriorating each day as I think less and less critically - mainly 'cause having to keep up with school work has been really physically/mentally/emotionally draining, next due in part to my laziness - as I think less and less, period. then it also makes me wonder if it's better this way, than in the past when thinking meant my mind or whole of my being usually went wild and self-destructive. must say though that God has taught me alot over the past month, few months and I wouldn't wanna exchange this journey for anything else, despite the struggles that come along the way. it's really hard doing QT every day, but yeah, it's really good enough to always go back to God in everything, the good and the bad through the day, and utter morning and night prayers. I've always wondered what it really means to lead a victorious christian life (because it seems my dad is doing so and...) - what standards or benchmarks are there? think I've been pursuing man's acceptance too much, forgetting that God is the ultimate judge in my walk with Him, that to be holy doesn't mean having to do QT everyday or simply going to church (think most of us know this well enough), that to be godly definitely doesn't mean wanting to be recognised for your godliness. ironic isn't it? but sometimes it's so easy to fall on the other side of the tightrope, wanting to put on the facet of being holy yet not living a full transformed life from the INSIDE out.

saturday's sermon, first to the series "God's apps for our lives" (along the lines of this), was about success in His eyes. I don't need to seek man's approval in anything, but in everything solely God's approval. humility means not being envious at others' achievements and going "huh?! even someone like him/her got through the selection?!", for instance. disappointment kicks me outta track at times, it's like you're so fearful of being rejected again/going through the similar experience of failing again that you forget what's more important - failing weakens us emotionally, but it's when we're weak that He becomes stronger. righteousness, willingness to confess that I've done wrong, that I'm inadequate, that I've fallen short of his glory, a heart of commitment of every aspect in my life to Him...just some characteristics that'll promote success.

some day I'll be able to proudly say that I lean on Him EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF MY LIFE, that it's not a mere pretense.
Your grace is enough for me




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random one-liners:
2 days to shar's departure, karen's farewell lunch :(
39 days to promos
11S03K is kickass awesome - love my retarded yet united class
BW housecomm is the BWest (:
trust faith hope love joy peace