on my way - corrinne may

I'm far away from what I've known
And there's static on the radio
Just a girl in a car on a lonely highway
I've been up and down this winding road
It's getting dark, the stores are closed
The map is wrinkled, my coffee's turned to grey

But I'm on my way, I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
Sweet embrace, I'm on my way

So many beat-up cars on this dirt road
I see them sputter and start to choke
How many miles must I go till I rest in your grace?
I feel like giving up and letting go
Let the world invade my mind, my soul
Will this road make me a sinner or a saint?

But I'm on my way, I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
Don't give up on me, I'm on my way

I can picture your smiling face
Your arms stretched to hold me
Waiting there by the gate
If I ever get lost, I know that you'll find me
There's a cross on a hill
Saying, "Do not be afraid"

I'm on my way
If I keep you in my sight
I know I'll be alright

'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
'Cos I'm on my way, I'm on my way
Don't give up on me, I'm on my way

I'm on my way

/
I thought I'll be happier being less busy but that hasn't really happened. now that it seems I have time on my hands (could really spend it more productively but I'm not pushing myself enough) I feel like I'm losing control over my life, that I'm not letting God take the wheel. really happiness is temporal and what I, we should embrace is eternal joy...most unfortunate thing is it's been weeks and I still haven't regained that sense of purpose. it's beginning to annoy me because I'm not sure what has made me change -- honestly don't wanna go back to those times I'd hear voices, not of the Truth; honestly don't want to have to fight the demons within me every single moment; honestly don't want to have to tag positivity to every thought that sprouts (because they're more often than not negative). sometimes I think I want too much, I ask too much out of this life that doesn't belong to me but Him, the life that I merely claim to surrender to God solely. it's really one thing to talk about knowing God and actually knowing God...sigh. where has that hope so sure gone? I'm sure it hasn't left me 'cause God never runs away from us but only towards us, but it's a struggle taking the steps to draw closer to Him in such spiritual dryness. so even though that anchor for my soul, that peace in the worst of times seems so far away, it's always been present. He's omnipresent. just needa find Him again (psalm 46:10) right? I don't wanna change for the worse, instead I wanna continue be a light to the world, and continue to bring joy to others without a speck of pretense.
it's not easy, not at all. but His grace is more than enough for me and I need to trust
this is my prayer in the desert
when all that's within me feels dry
this is my prayer in my hunger and need
my God is the God who provides

put the geniune smile back on my face, won't you?